Does Your Boss Act Like a Five Year Old? Here’s How to Deal with Him

Does Your Boss Act Like a Five Year Old? Here’s How to Deal with Him

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Clik here to view.They do exist: Five year olds in business suits. But, only their moms and their subordinates know their real EQ age. To the rest of the world, they are the MBA holders with BMW parked in the CEO parking space. Tough luck if you work for them because if you do not play your cards right, these horrible bosses can add you on welfare by ending your career with this reason: just because. ( Of course the HR Head would be assigned to facilitate a professional termination of your employment. )

So how do you deal with this type of bad boss? First, it is essential to confirm if he is really a business card wielding five year old. Here’s a list of some common five year old’s social, emotional and intellectual characteristics. We’re talking about checking out the EQ of the boss here, not his biological age. Check as many as you can:

___ Often excludes other children in play, prefers best friends. Does your boss have his own corporate gang composed of his “yes men” ? You would know the “yes men” best friends because they are in key positions, almost always present in meetings with their robotic yes replies and usually spends their free time playing golf with your boss.   

___ Likes to feel grown up yet seeks adult approval. All he lacks is a t-shirt that says “I am the BOSS.” which, by the way, would be a nice Christmas gift idea. In the office, he likes to show off his corporate muscles to his subordinates with his high-falluting airs, his lengthy memos are overly decorated with technical terms, and he would make the security guard shoot anybody who would park in his CEO parking space. And yet he turns into a puppy when daddy (who started the company) comes into the office and whines about how hard he works when mommy drops by.

___ Expresses anger and jealousy physically. How many times has his office walls been repaired? How many cars has he “accidentally” bumped? How many pencils get broken and how many reams of crushed or torn paper fill his garbage bin?      

___ Likes to argue and reason. And may I modify to: likes to argue and reason for no reason at all.

___ Throws a tantrum and refuses to cooperate when it is not his idea. Unapproved projects. Budget cuts. Negative feedbacks on other people’s projects. All too familiar? 

___ Loves to tattle. Of course he won’t immediately point his finger at you and say, “He did it! He did it!” But you can be sure that the HR Head or the Board of Directors would know of it, either through a casual just-between-us coffee break talk or through a well written report. 

If you checked all of the above, oh dear. No wonder you have nightmares about the office, your hair is getting prematurely gray and your face looks like you’re constantly constipated.

Despair no more! Know that you have options like taking on cool jobs, making a kick-ass resignation letter, or sticking voodoo pins in your boss’s picture. But if you really love your job (sans the boss) or if you need your job (and could not ask to be transferred to another boss), then by all means, stick it out and live by a few simple survival techniques.

1. It’s an insult to your EQ and IQ, but the faster you accept the fact that he is a powerful five year old, the happier your life will be. Once you have spiritually accepted this mentally disturbing fact, google tips on how to deal with five year old toddlers. Most of the tips are applicable when dealing with your childish boss.
2. Don’t even attempt to change him for the better. If his mother or father, brother or sister, girlfriends or wives were not successful, what makes you think you would be?
3. Prepare a long list of the things you spend your salary on. Each time he makes you fuming mad, meditate by repeatedly saying the items on your list. Blabber them to yourself until you can normally breathe.
4. Say a nightly prayer that his life expectancy will be shorter. Just a caution: This last technique is not guaranteed to work and might even backfire.

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